My Many Girlfriends - A Gratitude Post

Published 9 February 2019

I was recently asked,

"Why do you have some many girlfriends?"

In the moment, I could not help but remember Michelle Obama's words from Becoming: 

"This, for me, began a habit that has sustained me for life, keeping a close and high-spirited council of girlfriends - a safe harbor of female wisdom."

As far back as I can remember, my closest friends have always been women. I always felt more free to express myself to women than to men. As a young boy, the boys were always quick to make unfunny jokes of serious things. Examples include when I would try to talk to my guy friends about a girl who had turned down my romantic pursuits, they would turn that into a joke about how I was not man enough. But my girl friends always listened without judgment. With them, I rarely had to hide the real me (unless I was romantically interested in them, when I lost all ability to be rational). Being raised by my widowed mother also shaped my disposition to trust women more than men with emotional stuff. As such, even in my family I am closer to my sisters than to my brothers. The presence of all these women, who uplift me all the time, has become so normal that when I was asked why I had so many girlfriends, it took a while for it to register that it is not "normal". But I should pause and celebrate this safe harbor of female wisdom. 

In September 2017, I had a party that brought together most of my friends in Botswana. As you can imagine, most of them were women and a large number of the males who attended had accompanied the women. It was heartwarming to see everyone together in one place and hear the many (embarrassing) stories they had of me. Stories that in some shape or form tended to include me writing a love letter. In that moment, surrounded by some of my favorite humans on the planet, I felt loved. So with this short post I want to thank all the women who have always been there for me for their role in my life. 

I am thankful for their ears that listen without judgment. For their shoulders that have caught many of my tears, their hearts that love me (almost) unconditionally, and their support that continues to guide me towards becoming a better person. Over the past year as I have had to confront the idea that all this female wisdom I have had, has not necessarily exempted me from the toxic masculinity prevalent in our society, I have had these women to guide me along some challenging paths. I continue to walk along that path, with their never tiring support. I am thankful to their encouraging voices, that have given me the confidence to pursue my dreams. There is not enough space to put all the photos of my "girl friends", but my heart is large enough to hold them because the love they continue to give me cannot be matched.