2019: Beginnings and Endings

Published 20 January 2019

This: were we led all that way for

Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly,

We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,

But had thought they were different; this Birth was

Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death.

- excerpt from Journey of the Magi by T.S. Elliot

I am 5 months away from my graduation from Stanford University. I am on track to earn my Bachelor of Science Degree in Management Science and Engineering. The curtain is about to close on this chapter of my life. Over the years I have come to learn that endings and beginnings are two sides of the same coin. But what is beginning as my undergraduate education is ending? The honest answer is I have no idea. The past few years have been punctuated by coming to terms with the illness that is slowing dragging my mother to a relatively early grave and the internal conflicts that come with it. For example, should I return to Botswana so I can be close to her during her last days or should I continue chasing my ambition? In the interim, I have applied for the Master of Science Degree in Management Science and Engineering here at Stanford. This would enable me to keep chasing my ambition while I buy an extra year to decide how to resolve the internal conflict of what is next. 

Outside of professional aspirations, this is also a period of transition socially. Over the past year I have actively reflected on the relationships in my life. The outcome of the reflection was the realization that I had compromised quality with quantity. Even more than that, I realized that I allocated more resources to the low priority relationships than to those that truly matter. In a bid to reclaim my resources, (especially time), and redistribute them according to my priorities, I decided to leave mainstream social media. At various points in the past I have deactivated my accounts only to return to them later on. This time I permanently deleted them and have not looked back since. (Well I miss knowing where the parties are at or who is selling the text books I want to buy, but except for that I am content). This website is how I still share with the world at large and WhatsApp is how I now connect with a smaller world. This process of trimming certain relationships continues. It is slightly more challenging in real life, but my hope is by the time I start the next professional chapter of my life it would be complete.

On a much lighter note, 2019 is coming with some pleasing changes for the women in my life. For a long time now my sisters and best friends have tried to influence my fashion with little success. I am not one for fashion, I like consistency of style. Over the break I started exploring certain changes to my wardrobe and so far it is coming together. While I will still prioritize comfort over everything in my fashion choices, I am more willing to try new combinations and colors. Maybe with a better sense of fashion my future wife will finally notice me. Now that I think of it, I am excited for these changes and look forward to the next chapter.